It's happened, that moment when all your hopes are shattered to the ground and all you have left is the bitter taste on your lips where they used to kiss you, the flashbacks of where they used to touch you and a memory of how it felt one day and how it is right now. And your subconscious mind tries to convince you that you will get over this phase and everything will be alright, but you know you wouldn't be that person again and you cannot compensate for your losses.
And you no longer have the ability to touch their soul ever again, and all you seem to feel now is solid emptiness along with your uncontrolled hate towards them because of what they have done for you, they turned you down and no matter how long you wait for them to come around and change their mind it will never happen.
Your tears are pouring as you realize that you started to hate the one you thought was your soul mate, your one and only, your faithful spouse. You still miss their soft skin, their perfect smile, the way it felt to look in their wide eyes, to let your fingers through their unruled hair. You miss how they talked to you, their high-handedness, the way they always seem to be in control, sane and solid -You always wondered how they did that.
You wanted to be a part of their life, you wanted to see how it would be to be a part of their flawless perfection, you wanted to be theirs just to see how would they treat your once broken heart. You have fallen for their eyes but their eyes were blinded by the dark clouds of fear that seem to be inevitable wherever they look. You tried to push those clouds away to let they see how beautiful life is once you let go of your fears and open your eyes -But I am afraid only rain takes the clouds away. You wanted to understand how they do what they do, how they perfectly match their shoes with whatever they're wearing, how they seem to ace every conversation they be in, how they seem to be loved by everyone yet not loving anyone. You wanted to take a step to understand the reason of their misery, their cold loneliness and their beautiful madness. You waited for your chance for they to let you in but their egocentricity and their shattered heart always left you an outsider trying to sneak a peek through the windows they left open accidentally, you wanted to understand, you wanted to help fixing them -But this is not a voluntary contribution you do to make yourself satisfied.
All you can do now is to bite your lips to remind yourself of how they kissed you, to feel over your forearm of where they used to touch you, to listen to the songs they used to like. But eventually, you're torturing yourself and wasting your time on a lost love, you're only causing yourself unbearable pain, you're only adding salt to your scars - If you have already lost them, don't lose yourself as well.
And you no longer have the ability to touch their soul ever again, and all you seem to feel now is solid emptiness along with your uncontrolled hate towards them because of what they have done for you, they turned you down and no matter how long you wait for them to come around and change their mind it will never happen.
Your tears are pouring as you realize that you started to hate the one you thought was your soul mate, your one and only, your faithful spouse. You still miss their soft skin, their perfect smile, the way it felt to look in their wide eyes, to let your fingers through their unruled hair. You miss how they talked to you, their high-handedness, the way they always seem to be in control, sane and solid -You always wondered how they did that.
You wanted to be a part of their life, you wanted to see how it would be to be a part of their flawless perfection, you wanted to be theirs just to see how would they treat your once broken heart. You have fallen for their eyes but their eyes were blinded by the dark clouds of fear that seem to be inevitable wherever they look. You tried to push those clouds away to let they see how beautiful life is once you let go of your fears and open your eyes -But I am afraid only rain takes the clouds away. You wanted to understand how they do what they do, how they perfectly match their shoes with whatever they're wearing, how they seem to ace every conversation they be in, how they seem to be loved by everyone yet not loving anyone. You wanted to take a step to understand the reason of their misery, their cold loneliness and their beautiful madness. You waited for your chance for they to let you in but their egocentricity and their shattered heart always left you an outsider trying to sneak a peek through the windows they left open accidentally, you wanted to understand, you wanted to help fixing them -But this is not a voluntary contribution you do to make yourself satisfied.
All you can do now is to bite your lips to remind yourself of how they kissed you, to feel over your forearm of where they used to touch you, to listen to the songs they used to like. But eventually, you're torturing yourself and wasting your time on a lost love, you're only causing yourself unbearable pain, you're only adding salt to your scars - If you have already lost them, don't lose yourself as well.
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