Cold Coffee

You had never come to my life.
I had never stepped in to your life.
We met halfway
You’d been holding childhood wounds and past pains.
Either had I,
You are cursing yourself for being weak,
Because this is the fifth day
You have been in bed,
Whittling away at your soul
Asking yourself why it happened
As tears run down your cheeks
I can never have the courage to say it out loud,
But I am in love with you,
I can feel your laughter in my bones
You have made a home into my heart
I am laying here in my bed, It's past midnight
I am reading the love poems you once wrote and I am thinking about you,
Maybe to some people they were meaningless words arranged together,
But to me they were the way I communicate with you,
I can lay down here for days imagining that those words were for me,
Imagining that all of these wrong turns have led me to you,
But there are still empty spaces in my heart,
Where the flowers you planted once grew,
And though they long for water
No amount could ever fix
How wilted they have become.

Plain simple

She was the plane that never took off,
with a half heart tied to the clouds,
And the other half embedded in the runway,
Holding her tight and never letting go,
To see what the world has for her once she opens that door,
To see how the air feels like running through her hair,
To discover new destinations where she lights her flare,
She had to learn on her own,
That the word had more horizons than the ones she had known,
So, when the sun finally rises to open her eyes,
When she can free herself of all the pain behind their lies,
Only then she will fly,
Only then she will see the beauty of those clouds which she was waiting anxiously to see,
After she discovers all the beauty of the outside,
She will know that 'You cannot live your life with your head in the sand',
So let go of all the things that are choking your heart,
And know for things to drift together,
Sometimes others have to drift apart.

Butter

You become a wandering ghost searching for a soul to haunt
Your words and theories are considered nothing but a taunt
And no matter how much you wanted this to be out of your heart
But you created someone you cannot tear apart
You always dreamed or wished you can go back to the start
But nothing ever goes as planned, it's a hell of a notion
You became an animal locked in a cage
You became a human in constant rage
And no matter how much you wanted to turn that page
But your magical creation is something you cannot match its wage
You always dreamed or wished you can freeze your age
But nothing ever goes as planned, it's a hell of a notion
You no longer see things as clear as you used to see
Your ideas and thoughts are no longer free
And no matter how much you wanted to leave this behind and flee
But it seems that every time you jump, you hurt your knee
You always dreamed or wished you two can have your own family tree
But nothing ever goes as planned, it's a hell of a notion
You became a bad loser, a terrible chooser and a beautiful body hidden underneath your scars
Your goals and expectations are no longer considered a par
And no matter how much you wanted to be his one and only star
But you were made of words and lyrics penned on the strings of a guitar
You always dreamed or wished you can free your heart of this tar
But nothing ever goes as planned, it's a hell of a notion
You find yourself in constant waiting for someone who can change your life around
You are always waiting for the day someone will make you crowned
And no matter how much you dreamed of wearing that gown
It seems that every road you take only brings you down
You always dreamed or wished you can find a balanced ground
But nothing ever goes as planned, it's a hell of a notion
It's time for you to finally adjust to the reality and its' bitterness
It's time for you to lift yourself and find a cure for your illness
You do not want your life to pass while you were only the witness
Life is bigger than your favorite book, a song you love or your mug of tea sweetness
You always dreamed or wished you can make a difference
But things do not always go as planned, but sometimes that's a good thing

Mystery

You met a man who cannot choose which shirt to wear every morning, a man that cannot be anchored down, a traveler, a hopeless lover, a man who would rarely change his mind, an emotionally-stable man, a man that cannot be controlled, a man that cannot be moved. Regardless of what his past was or what his plans were, it never included you or anyone, all his thoughts were singular, all his plans and dreams were about accomplishing self-achievements, his ego does not allow him to consider anyone as a decent spouse -But you never backed down despite all the hints he gave.
You wanted to know how he does everything so perfectly, how the words he say seem to worth the universe to you, how few minutes of time you spend are considered something extraordinary for you, you wanted to see how different he was than anyone else, you wanted to explore him, understand him and put your trust in him as your saviour, as your own prince charming, you expected a lot from him, you expected a lot from someone who was not willing to offer anything, a man who wants you to be happy with whoever you chose -But he never thought that you may choose him and never let go.
He only gave you the attention he gives to anyone else, he only said the same things he said to everyone else, he did not treat you specially, you were just another girl to him, another person he meets, a random stranger he met and found common grounds with, someone you became close to when he felt nothing towards you, someone you wanted to have more from while all he wanted was your friendship, nothing more, nothing less.
And you played the perfect scenario in your head by imagining him to be yours, to imagine that you could be the one that he turns into, to believe that he might feel anything for you -But you built your castle on sand.
When you fall for someone's personality everything about them becomes beautiful; You fell for the wrong person, you started to admire everything he does just because you did not want to lose him and just because you were waiting for a chance that one day he may change his mind, that one day you be his one and only.
Your admiration is something he is used to receive, he has been in this situation a million times, for him it is easy to be loved while it is extremely hard to love; This is something he wishes that never happens again because every time it happens, he ends up hurting the girl and leaving her with permanent scars -But no matter how strong he pushes you out, you still want in.
He is not the man you think he is, love is blind, you're currently blinded but one day it would make sense and you will be so proud of the decision you made, one day this will all make sense. But as they say: "If you cannot be a part of the cure do not be a part of the disease"; If you cannot fix this man then maybe you should go in separate ways, maybe he is not the man for you, maybe he is a mystery you can never fully understand -Maybe it is time to move on.

The Final Masquerade

It's happened, that moment when all your hopes are shattered to the ground and all you have left is the bitter taste on your lips where they used to kiss you, the flashbacks of where they used to touch you and a memory of how it felt one day and how it is right now. And your subconscious mind tries to convince you that you will get over this phase and everything will be alright, but you know you wouldn't be that person again and you cannot compensate for your losses.
And you no longer have the ability to touch their soul ever again, and all you seem to feel now is solid emptiness along with your uncontrolled hate towards them because of what they have done for you, they turned you down and no matter how long you wait for them to come around and change their mind it will never happen.
Your tears are pouring as you realize that you started to hate the one you thought was your soul mate, your one and only, your faithful spouse. You still miss their soft skin, their perfect smile, the way it felt to look in their wide eyes, to let your fingers through their unruled hair. You miss how they talked to you, their high-handedness, the way they always seem to be in control, sane and solid -You always wondered how they did that.
You wanted to be a part of their life, you wanted to see how it would be to be a part of their flawless perfection, you wanted to be theirs just to see how would they treat your once broken heart. You have fallen for their eyes but their eyes were blinded by the dark clouds of fear that seem to be inevitable wherever they look. You tried to push those clouds away to let they see how beautiful life is once you let go of your fears and open your eyes -But I am afraid only rain takes the clouds away. You wanted to understand how they do what they do, how they perfectly match their shoes with whatever they're wearing, how they seem to ace every conversation they be in, how they seem to be loved by everyone yet not loving anyone. You wanted to take a step to understand the reason of their misery, their cold loneliness and their beautiful madness. You waited for your chance for they to let you in but their egocentricity and their shattered heart always left you an outsider trying to sneak a peek through the windows they left open accidentally, you wanted to understand, you wanted to help fixing them -But this is not a voluntary contribution you do to make yourself satisfied.
All you can do now is to bite your lips to remind yourself of how they kissed you, to feel over your forearm of where they used to touch you, to listen to the songs they used to like. But eventually, you're torturing yourself and wasting your time on a lost love, you're only causing yourself unbearable pain, you're only adding salt to your scars - If you have already lost them, don't lose yourself as well.

Puzzled

It's complicated, It's not about what you want neither what you need, life seems to go in a direction other than what the direction you wanted; It's not that you want something and you work for it and it just happens, it is more of a consecutive failures but that does not mean that you did not take your chances or that you did not do something properly but sometimes someone's intervenes in your plans and it fails, sometimes you lose your motivation and give up.
You come to realize that life does not go on a specific plan, life is not just a timeline of events and your role is just to wait until their time is due. Life turns out to be a series of expectations and failures, a random list of goals and warning signs of the things you try to avoid.
But all the times you failed weren't coincidences, if that was true your life will be a constant downhill towards nowhere.
You have grown up, you became an adult, and all the myths you heard from your childhood about how difficult it is to be an adult turned out to be true, your shoulders are ten times heavier now because of all the responsibilities you have to carry now, And all the simple things you did not have to work for as a kid become a mission you try to accomplish; Things like finding a genuine friend or finding someone to love aren't as easy as they were when you were young; It's not that people changed as they grow up but you're no longer a part of their life plan and every person have their own goals, their own timeline and their own expectations, just like you do.
People will go in different paths, seeking the place where they accomplish their goals and live their dreams, you cannot blame people in their choices and you cannot blame yourself for making your own path and leaving people behind.
People are puzzles, and if your shape does not allow you to fit in someone else's puzzle, you will never fit; You can change yourself to fit temporarily in someone else's puzzle but eventually you will be removed for someone else who will fit your space perfectly.
Eventually, you realize you are not just a wandering piece of puzzle searching for a space to fill, you, yourself are a puzzle, a puzzle you want to fill with people of your choice who will properly fit each specific space to make the picture complete.
And that's what makes us in constant search for something or someone; Everyone is looking for something, some people are looking for a lover, other are looking for a friend and others are looking for a family. We do not always know what we are looking for but we all are searching continuously for the people who can solve our puzzles. Sometimes we find what we are looking for but their space is already occupied or there is a scar in their space that will not allow them to fit in properly and they have to leave.
Simply put, you are a piece of puzzle in someone else's puzzle searching for the proper pieces to solve your own puzzle. And that what makes us different and difficult to understand, you see, you cannot solve every puzzle.

Sail

They occupy a bigger part of your life, the words they say become a permanent part of your memory, not because of what they said but because those words came from their mouth which transmitted those words from that beautiful mind. And everything makes sense again, all your sleepless nights, all the love songs you called stupid, all the romantic movies you skipped, they all make sense now, they are things you can understand and relate to, they are things that makes you think of someone now. Truth is you never completely understood those stuff because you were missing an essential component to achieve full understanding, you were missing love.
A love you found in someone new, a bright star in the sky that you can see from your bedroom window every single night but you didn't notice it before today, a new tale waiting to be written, a new beginning, which probably will be the best addition to your universe.
You fell in love with a stranger, a stranger that one day you will trust more than you trust yourself but only if they agreed to be with you, only then all your lonely nights come to an end to be rejoiced by the presence with someone new, someone who would make you forget all the scars on your body from your previous love battles, someone who would let go of your past to brighten your future, someone special.
Now you know this is love, you cannot wait to be a part of it, you cannot wait to get to know them better; You cannot wait to know how they like to drink their tea, what's their favorite time of the day or what is hiding in that beautiful mind of theirs, You cannot wait to be involved with every small life detail they had, you cannot wait to be the one who wipes the tears off their faces and replace those tears with your favorite smile in the whole word, you cannot wait to be there where they are but something is holding you back.
Your life becomes a constant battle between fear of showing how you feel and fear of rejection; As either one of those would probably tear your world down and bring you to rock-bottom again. You decide to wait until you have the courage to stand up and express how you feel to the one you want, but deep inside you know that day may never come and eventually you will have to let go and move on.
It wouldn't make sense to let go but sometimes you have to, not because of the fear you once had or because you think they are not good enough for you but because you just feel like it is the right thing to do and then you will either live your life regretting not being brave enough back then or you will find someone new who would make you forget the ones you loved before. In the end, you cannot be with every single crush you had, you will find someone who will be perfectly right for you but not today or tomorrow but they are currently out there waiting for you to finally meet them and fall in love with all of their details and perfection. And there is where your ultimate happiness lies, there you will realize your waiting was worthwhile, there you will find your new favorite smile.