Butterfly

It's your birthday,
Please accept my apologies,
I couldn't make it this year.
I..
I have been too busy looking after myself,
I forgot how much you mean to me,
Until it was too late.
And now,
I live in another dimension,
Walking down those gloomy corridors,
An air of melancholy filled those vacant halls,
A state of vacivity,
Occupied with thick layers of dust over the edges of these obsidian windows.
It's all black and white,
Charcoal and Ivory,
An alluring mixture creating beautifully irregular streaks through the marble of our bedroom floor.
We emotionally manipulated each other until we thought it was love,
And at that point it was too late to put an end to this constant illusion,
And return to a sense of tranquility.
And now I..
I am living in a persistent state of delirium,
You intoxicated me,
It was just like you made me love you by some force,
And your head was occupied with alarming questions,
While mine was preoccupied with deranged thoughts.
I was not enough.
You taught me how to be alone,
And I have learned my lesson in your absence.
But each night,
Everything cuts a little deeper,
And all those words we have said to each other haunt me,
A transient state of veracity,
Does it count if you were happy in a dream,
Or am I in love with impossibility?
You were always a difficult person to understand but never to love,
And no one said that you must stop loving someone once they leave,
You left me,
Like there was no reason to stay,
And I loved you even more.
And I...
I have found comfort in sorrow,
I couldn't find anything to alleviate this pain,
Nothing to soothe my nerves,
I will never be able to find myself,
As long as I am lost in you.
And each year,
Between the frost of the winter,
And the vernal sunshine,
Comes one day of particular significance,
This time last year we were sitting under the shade of that oak tree,
We used to call it our spot,
It was where we used to escape from our stubborn parents and have a moment for ourselves,
Our sweet escape.
I was in the middle of an ocean,
An ocean of doubts, flaws and imperfections,
Then you came along,
And all of a sudden I knew how to swim,
But then you left,
And I realized you have been holding me the whole time,
No I am six feet under,
Covered in guilt and self neglect,
Erased,
But I will always remember this special day,
And I am sorry I couldn't be where you currently are,
And I apologize for the long message,
I think..
All I wanted to say is that,
On your special day,
I hope this wonderful day will fill up your heart with blessings.
I think about this every year,
So I pick up a pen,
And I write,
'Happy Birthday,
I love you'.
And I place this letter gently above its similar but older messages,
In a dusty hazel brown box I have made of perfectly cut pieces of that oak tree,
Covered in excelsior,
Rested under my bed,
It is where my dreams come to life,
Where my memories set,
It is where you are,
It is where we left.
So..
I think..
I think It won't be any different this year,
Happy Birthday...
I love you.