Departure

Last night was another night where I lay in my bed sleepless for hours looking for answers,
It's cold,
And my body became a hollow shell of the person I was,
My thoughts are confused,
And I attempt to find peace at night,
Maybe my 4 AM thoughts made more sense to me than other times,
Maybe I am delusional,
I do not really know.
But here I am writing another story in my head in an ocean of silence,
Maybe I can manipulate the events this time and guide my fictional self into a happy ending,
Perhaps the life I created in my head was happier than my current,
But I did not care,
It gave me a buzz of excitement to seal the perfect end.
I think everything is more beautiful in the dark,
That's why I dwell in it,
So even the deepest parts of my soul are blurred into beauty,
I seeked happiness in a world of my imagination,
A world created by fake conversations and scenarios,
A place only I have the key to access,
Somewhere only I know.
I do not know where did I go wrong,
I was meant to blossom into a bright flower,
But people around me stole my colours,
And now I am black and white,
I am dead in the outside,
But that is what people can see,
No one notices me anymore in a field of tulips and roses with their bright colours,
I am invisible,
And no one could relate to my current state or understand me.
I believed in too much too early,
And when reality arrived, I could not stand it,
The sun is already up,
I have to leave my bed and survive this day,
Maybe tonight I can shut those thoughts away,
As I attempt to fix myself,
And find my colours again.