I opened the window of my room last night to find cold air in my mind, I felt a sense of peace as the cool breeze moves across my body as I shiver, I felt a sense of ease, I felt -for that moment free of my troubles and concerns that kept me insomniac for a while, I felt like a new person, I close my eyes to cherish this moment as I fall asleep with happy thoughts for the first time in a while.
The night falls as the sun comes up, My alarm rings to wake me up to live another day of this dull routine I call life, no matter how happy I seem to be, I was dead inside, I reached a state of this complex perception that this self-loathing of mine is something I can never unsee, something I would always feel no matter where I am; I pick at my flaws until they are the only thing that I can see and believe, it's the way I have always been, and I am afraid it will always be this way.
I am enslaved to my writing to try to feel something more, I wanted people to see the things that were so far in my head, the things left unposted are where the magic is, they are probably where the solution to my misery lies.
I light another cigarette as I inhale the toxins diffusing across my lungs, I love how it feels when you destroy yourself by your own self when self-destruction seems the only way to have some peace, I have been through the worst that whatever hits me from now on will be neglected. I think I will have another cup of coffee, I do not want to sleep, I do not want to dream anymore, I would rather stay up all night alone in misery than to be comforted by strangers in dreams.
And I wonder what does it feel like to be loved, to be appreciated and cherished by someone, to be someone's special person, to be yours.
I wonder if I am ever missed or needed, I wonder if I will ever find myself among those sleepless nights and endless car drives, I still remember the words of her favorite song, her favorite movie lines and her favorite places that we went to together, I do not think I will ever see her again, I seriously think that I should no longer confine myself to thinking of her, she should not have loved me.
I think I had too much to drink and I am no longer thinking straight, I do not know if I ever did, I should probably get some sleep, the sun is almost up, I hope today is better than yesterday is what I tell myself every day, I hope today is better than yesterday.
The night falls as the sun comes up, My alarm rings to wake me up to live another day of this dull routine I call life, no matter how happy I seem to be, I was dead inside, I reached a state of this complex perception that this self-loathing of mine is something I can never unsee, something I would always feel no matter where I am; I pick at my flaws until they are the only thing that I can see and believe, it's the way I have always been, and I am afraid it will always be this way.
I am enslaved to my writing to try to feel something more, I wanted people to see the things that were so far in my head, the things left unposted are where the magic is, they are probably where the solution to my misery lies.
I light another cigarette as I inhale the toxins diffusing across my lungs, I love how it feels when you destroy yourself by your own self when self-destruction seems the only way to have some peace, I have been through the worst that whatever hits me from now on will be neglected. I think I will have another cup of coffee, I do not want to sleep, I do not want to dream anymore, I would rather stay up all night alone in misery than to be comforted by strangers in dreams.
And I wonder what does it feel like to be loved, to be appreciated and cherished by someone, to be someone's special person, to be yours.
I wonder if I am ever missed or needed, I wonder if I will ever find myself among those sleepless nights and endless car drives, I still remember the words of her favorite song, her favorite movie lines and her favorite places that we went to together, I do not think I will ever see her again, I seriously think that I should no longer confine myself to thinking of her, she should not have loved me.
I think I had too much to drink and I am no longer thinking straight, I do not know if I ever did, I should probably get some sleep, the sun is almost up, I hope today is better than yesterday is what I tell myself every day, I hope today is better than yesterday.
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