Blur

What if you felt something for someone but you were too afraid to confess your feelings; what kind of situation that will place you? I think the proper description is 'love-hate relationship'; but not the usual description, what I am taking about is that you love one party and hate the other; you love her but you hate yourself. And you hate yourself because you are afraid, afraid of the consequences that may happen if you told her about everything, but would you prefer to be rejected immediately or to regret your whole life for not having the courage back then? What if there was a third option; letting her go, convincing your mind that whatever you want to be between you is nothing but a bunch of imaginary scenes that you created in your head, convincing yourself to let go the only person you have ever loved just so you can 'move on'. But a small part of you will still want to hold her tight and kiss her pink cheeks, a part of you will still want to stay up all night staring in her beautiful eyes, a part of you would love to squeeze her and tease her, a part of you would still want to make her day as long as you are around, a part of you would still want to see her carrying your child which soon she will deliver to become the most beautiful mother ever existed, a part of you would still want her to be completely yours, a part of you will never forgive you if you chose to let go.
So, you realize that whatever the path you are going to choose will not be as sweet as you want. And you disappeared from the world for a while until you came with a decision regarding this situation; You finally decided to come forward and let it all out, you're saying words to her directly from your heart as you are trying to show her how much she means to you and for how long your heart was beating for her, you collapse and suddenly your beautifully-rhymed words are combined with tears as no matter how strong you said you will be when the time is right you just couldn't tolerate the situation; there you are on your knees confessing everything you have felt for years for the only woman you loved, there you are risking everything just to have her by your side, there you are so close to be with her yet so far.
And your speech comes to an end as you are out of words and too weak to go on, you look up to her eyes waiting for an answer, maybe a yes and everything you ever wanted becomes a reality or maybe a no and all your dreams shatter in front of your eyes.
And then she finally decides to talk, she finally decides to end this messy situation, you're crossing your fingers hoping for the answer you want. She said she is not interested in you and probably never will, words cannot describe the misery that hit your heart at that moment, and you walk back home in tears to be alone, not only for today but forever, because you know that you lost something irreplaceable, something you will never find anything close to, someone you were willing to give your all but they didn't want to be a part of it, they didn't want to be with you as much as you did, they didn't want anything with you, simply put, they didn't love you the way you loved them.