The Devil's Mistress

I placed you in a dark brown wooden case infested with mold and rust,
And I tossed the golden key some place I no longer visit,
I thought I buried you,
I covered the tracks.
I was careful not to look at the place too much so I don't subconsciously remember it.
I believed that.
I believed that was a chapter of my life that I was never going to visit again.
It was supposed to be a perfect plan.
Flawless.
But somewhere between planning and execution,
I probably have missed something.
And you managed to escape from all that,
and find a way back to me.
Haunting me,
Trying everything you can to trick me,
Manipulate me,
Until you take utter control.
And I am sat there helplessly surrendering to your mysterious power.
I am frail to your irrational desires.
Lying down on the rough stony ground,
Looking at your demonic eyes,
Reaching my arm as far as I possibly can,
Trying to push you away with my unaided strength,
Incapable of standing up on my delicate feet,
In complete submission to your mythical dominance.
There is nothing else I can do,
Other than allow you to take control over my slim body and my mortal soul.

My life is a constant struggle between my need for acceptance,
my fear of rejection,
and a desire to not care at all.
I lost the will to fight a long time ago,
I misplaced most of the thin pieces inside me,
My rebellious blood loses its' way through my veins' tortuosity,
My thoughts are astray.
My worried mind wanders too often through the cold and dark nights,
It gets hard to make sense of things eventually.
I am praying for something that makes me feel alive.
Something that makes life hurt less.
I lost everything I stand for,
Somewhere between the battle of rights and wrongs.  
I cannot hide what's on my impatient mind,
Any my felonious heart feeds on the cruel lies when it gets hungry.

Another lucid and golden morning comes,
As it always does.
I get out of bed drenched in my own tears and sweat,
I have fought for too many sleepless nights,
I stood up for you on every single occasion.
You somehow always have a plan to turn everything around the way you want.
This time I lose.
I can't put words together in sentences strong enough to repel you,
Tears gushing down from these hurt brown eyes,
Escaping their lonely reservoir,
Running through these papers,
Fusing with this indelible ink,
Adding a full stop half through my sentences,
Destroying everything I have been working on.
It was inevitable.
You reminded me of parts of me I never wanted to meet again,
parts I have been hiding away through all these anguished years.
The pale sickle moon can't keep spinning around this naked earth forever,
Running around in flawless circles,
In an infinite universe.
And just like the moon I reflect you,
I am looking at the broken mirror right across of me.
Maybe I am the monster,
Perhaps,
Loving ourselves is hard because we find it so difficult to forgive ourselves,
No matter how cruel or ugly I became,
I blamed it on you.
But today I believe,
Certain doors are meant to be closed,
Locked forever,
I push a bare rickety table against your door,
And there,
Beneath that wobbling table,
There is where you will find me.