Puzzled

It's complicated, It's not about what you want neither what you need, life seems to go in a direction other than what the direction you wanted; It's not that you want something and you work for it and it just happens, it is more of a consecutive failures but that does not mean that you did not take your chances or that you did not do something properly but sometimes someone's intervenes in your plans and it fails, sometimes you lose your motivation and give up.
You come to realize that life does not go on a specific plan, life is not just a timeline of events and your role is just to wait until their time is due. Life turns out to be a series of expectations and failures, a random list of goals and warning signs of the things you try to avoid.
But all the times you failed weren't coincidences, if that was true your life will be a constant downhill towards nowhere.
You have grown up, you became an adult, and all the myths you heard from your childhood about how difficult it is to be an adult turned out to be true, your shoulders are ten times heavier now because of all the responsibilities you have to carry now, And all the simple things you did not have to work for as a kid become a mission you try to accomplish; Things like finding a genuine friend or finding someone to love aren't as easy as they were when you were young; It's not that people changed as they grow up but you're no longer a part of their life plan and every person have their own goals, their own timeline and their own expectations, just like you do.
People will go in different paths, seeking the place where they accomplish their goals and live their dreams, you cannot blame people in their choices and you cannot blame yourself for making your own path and leaving people behind.
People are puzzles, and if your shape does not allow you to fit in someone else's puzzle, you will never fit; You can change yourself to fit temporarily in someone else's puzzle but eventually you will be removed for someone else who will fit your space perfectly.
Eventually, you realize you are not just a wandering piece of puzzle searching for a space to fill, you, yourself are a puzzle, a puzzle you want to fill with people of your choice who will properly fit each specific space to make the picture complete.
And that's what makes us in constant search for something or someone; Everyone is looking for something, some people are looking for a lover, other are looking for a friend and others are looking for a family. We do not always know what we are looking for but we all are searching continuously for the people who can solve our puzzles. Sometimes we find what we are looking for but their space is already occupied or there is a scar in their space that will not allow them to fit in properly and they have to leave.
Simply put, you are a piece of puzzle in someone else's puzzle searching for the proper pieces to solve your own puzzle. And that what makes us different and difficult to understand, you see, you cannot solve every puzzle.

Sail

They occupy a bigger part of your life, the words they say become a permanent part of your memory, not because of what they said but because those words came from their mouth which transmitted those words from that beautiful mind. And everything makes sense again, all your sleepless nights, all the love songs you called stupid, all the romantic movies you skipped, they all make sense now, they are things you can understand and relate to, they are things that makes you think of someone now. Truth is you never completely understood those stuff because you were missing an essential component to achieve full understanding, you were missing love.
A love you found in someone new, a bright star in the sky that you can see from your bedroom window every single night but you didn't notice it before today, a new tale waiting to be written, a new beginning, which probably will be the best addition to your universe.
You fell in love with a stranger, a stranger that one day you will trust more than you trust yourself but only if they agreed to be with you, only then all your lonely nights come to an end to be rejoiced by the presence with someone new, someone who would make you forget all the scars on your body from your previous love battles, someone who would let go of your past to brighten your future, someone special.
Now you know this is love, you cannot wait to be a part of it, you cannot wait to get to know them better; You cannot wait to know how they like to drink their tea, what's their favorite time of the day or what is hiding in that beautiful mind of theirs, You cannot wait to be involved with every small life detail they had, you cannot wait to be the one who wipes the tears off their faces and replace those tears with your favorite smile in the whole word, you cannot wait to be there where they are but something is holding you back.
Your life becomes a constant battle between fear of showing how you feel and fear of rejection; As either one of those would probably tear your world down and bring you to rock-bottom again. You decide to wait until you have the courage to stand up and express how you feel to the one you want, but deep inside you know that day may never come and eventually you will have to let go and move on.
It wouldn't make sense to let go but sometimes you have to, not because of the fear you once had or because you think they are not good enough for you but because you just feel like it is the right thing to do and then you will either live your life regretting not being brave enough back then or you will find someone new who would make you forget the ones you loved before. In the end, you cannot be with every single crush you had, you will find someone who will be perfectly right for you but not today or tomorrow but they are currently out there waiting for you to finally meet them and fall in love with all of their details and perfection. And there is where your ultimate happiness lies, there you will realize your waiting was worthwhile, there you will find your new favorite smile.