I was 15
years old... I still remember these empty streets where I used to drive my
father's car along, I did not have a driving license then, but the thrill of
the experience was more satisfying than whatever trouble I would have gotten into,
I remember I used to count the street lights so that I do not drive to a point
that I cannot find the way home from, I knew where all the street signs were. I
had no friends, but I enjoyed my own company. I remember how the loud sound of
the truck's diesel engine would always intervene with the beauty of music I
have constantly played. I never had a destination to go, I only had one thing
in my mind, to run away from where I was, to be at somewhere new. Sometimes I
used to take a wrong turn on purpose in an attempt to find a place no one else
knew, I used to lie to my father so I can have his truck and go on a mission of
endless exploration.
I haven’t
forgotten, I still remember all the little things, I used to stare at the 'big
yellow sun' setting over the crystal clear lake slowly, it was such a beautiful
scene to watch, I remember all the times I sat down by that lake, thinking
about all the things I wanted to become, all the dreams I wanted to achieve –and
I still haven't. I used to gather all the different types of rocks,
I arranged them in circles and created imaginary scenarios and stories, I knew
it did not make sense but it was a way of me to communicate, they were the
closest I had to friends...
I had this habit, I collected the
tree leaves in Autumn and I put them in a small agenda my father gave me, I
never knew why I actually did that, I have never been enrolled in a school, as we didn't have
one, I had a lot of time to think about all the different things this
life has to offer, I thought I can figure out everything on my own, I thought I
was different than other boys in my town; It was a small land, I knew everyone
and everyone knew me. Everyone spent most of their nights at a small pub where
my uncle used to work, I spent some time there working in the kitchen; washing
the beer pitchers and cocktail glasses, not really the type of life I have been
looking forwards to, I did not want to grow up here and become just like
everybody else, I wanted to achieve something for myself, my family and my
town; Something everyone would have been proud of, something different, but
most importantly, I did not want to stay here, I had this constant urge to
escape, I felt like I have been locked in forever…
I am a grown man now, I am no
longer that clumsy shy boy, a
part of me still is, but I would like to believe that I have changed,
but deep inside I know I have not, I moved out of my town even though everyone
back home wanted me to stay, I just needed to go through new experiences, I
convinced myself that I was in a place where I cannot make a progress, I
decided to move out, to carve a new path for myself. I moved to the city, there
aren't any lakes here or long country lanes, it’s different here, I have always
heard people saying that there's no place like home but I have never believed
it, until I realized that it's not about the land itself, it's the people that
make a place more special, and I admit, I miss my family, I miss my little
humble town, these people raised me and I have this constant thought of going
back home...
I heard stories of other boys of my
same age and where they are now, one is barely getting by, one is already on
the second wife and one is still working at his father's store. I am not sure
if where I stand is better than them or worse, I am not sure if this is what I
have been looking forward to, I am discovering something new every single day,
I am discovering myself. I took a different path than everyone else, I
currently own a small bakery in the city, it does not really yield a lot of
money, but I have my clients and I am pleased with what I do...
I still drive my father's yellow
Ford truck that I inherited after he passed away a year after I moved out – it
was the worst time of my life, I have managed to do some repairs to the
engine and it still runs like a brand-new vehicle. Sometimes, I still go on
small drives down the busy city streets looking for somewhere calm and quiet,
looking for somewhere where I can find some peace of mind…
I ignite the engine of my father’s
truck, driving through these boring streets, they all look the same. I have been
driving for an hour now, it’s dark outside now, I do not know where I am now, I
think I took a wrong turn, I do not know anymore, I decide to stop at the side
of the road for few minutes, I lay my fatigued body horizontally over the torn
leather seats of the truck and I close my eyes in an attempt to rest my intoxicated body...
I wake up to the sound of a bird chirping
by the windshield, the sun has already risen, it’s the end of the Winter
season, I am tired, it's Sunday, I have to make it back to the city tonight so
I can open my shop tomorrow, it's the start of a new semester for the students
now, the employees are coming back from their vacations now too, it's a new
year already, it has been 10 years since I have last visited my old town. I
sigh, I never thought that I would last this long, I wonder who are still there
and who have already passed away, I do not really believe I have properly
settled here in the city, there has always been something that is missing, I
think I am naturally connected to my roots, to where I came from, it's who I
am....
It has been a ride, ups and downs,
straight roads and curvy turns, brown dried maple leaves and small little
rocks. I think I have the better cut now, but honestly, it was all about those
details that actually add value to your life, those little things. I think I do
not belong here, I wonder if I ever will... So here I am, but what's the rush?
I am here in a yellow truck, a long road ahead of me and nothing but
opportunities.
