'This is it, I am done with this'; She said to me.
But that did not just happen suddenly, it was the net worth of accumulated fights and misunderstandings, it was the end result of all the wrong things that each one of us said to the other, it felt like we were standing on the railway just waiting for the train to hit us, and it finally did.
It's quite difficult to explain how it felt when I heard those words; in fact, I don't believe that anyone can describe the feeling unless they've tried it themselves, the moment we ended that phone call, I still felt like nothing happened and by the end of the day, we'll manage to fix this problem and move on. A few hours later, I thought of our last conversation and everything that was said and I realized that there's no way this would ever work again.
But before talking about the end, the beginning shall be revealed first; Me and Sarah met on January last year, she was a friend of my best friend, Matt. Me and Matt were having coffee when Sarah walked in; Sarah was an accountant who worked at the central bank. And..And I couldn't miss her beautiful blonde hair and those magical big blue eyes, Matt introduced us then she said she had to go somewhere and left.
Matt noticed how my face changed when she walked in and he said: 'Maybe you and Sarah should have dinner sometime right? I am sure she wouldn't mind', I replied: 'Sure!'. So he said that he'll call her and set a date for us.
And it was January 18th, our first date, we met in a restaurant and started talking, and immediately we noticed how much we two are similar to each other, we both love the same stupid movies and we both hate our work, but I knew that was not enough to build a relationship that could possibly end in marriage, as I am approaching the 30's right now. So, we had dinner and I gave her a ride home and we agreed that we should meet again.
January 30th, our second date, this time we decided to do something a little bit different so we went to an amusement park 20 kilometers away from where I lived. 'I know our road trip will be long, so I made a CD with some music, want to give it a try?' She said while looking at me with her beautiful eyes as the wind was flattering her hair. I smiled and said 'Yeah, sure!'. And the music starts playing, and I was surprised by the music that she chose, we were an absolute soul mates!
We went on the ferris wheel first, and the way she was holding my hand moved something in me, she then placed her head on my chest and said 'I'm scared', I said 'It's okay, you're here with me' while I was sliding my fingers through her hair. 'I love you!' she said, and it is like all my worries and concerns in my life, all my failures, all my nightmares are all gone with these three words. I said 'I love you too, sweetheart'.
We grabbed some cotton candy and walked towards the car while holding hands, I remember I was thinking that 'John, this can't be real, you must be dreaming'.
We drove back to our town while she was staring at me the whole time, and every time I ask her about it, she smiles and says 'I love you, Johnny!'. We arrived at her place, she kissed my cheek and said 'Goodnight, my love'.
And we went on dating, the first few months were the best days of my life; we were together all the time, we were like Adam and Eve, we did everything together, we had the same friends, the same love, the same life.
Everything was perfect, I was planning to make her my wife on our one-year anniversary, but unfortunately, we did not make it till then.
After our 'golden months', things started falling apart, Sarah was making up excuses not to see me, and I myself was busy and had a ton of paperwork to do and we no longer see each other as we used to, we barely even talk on the phone. I noticed that if we stayed this way, we won't last one more day, so I went to her place for a surprise visit, and that's the day when everything went from perfection to the complete opposite. It was November 15th, I drove my car to her place, which was few minutes away, and I rang her doorbell and no one answered. I went on upstairs and knocked on her door, no one answered as well. I said to myself 'I've made it this far; I have to know what's going on' and I opened the door which was unlocked and walked into her apartment. 'Sarah? Sarah?' I said as I was walking towards her bedroom. Eventually, I found her lying on her bed, with a needle in her right hand, she was not fully conscious and as I am a pharmacist, I knew that she was taking Morphine. I carried her over my shoulders running downstairs and gently I put her down in the backseat of my car as I rushed her to the hospital. The doctor said that she just had an overdose but everything will be alright, after she woke up I took her home so she can get some rest and I left a note saying 'Call me in the morning' next to her bed.
The next morning, she called me, she seemed tired and sluggish as she says 'Hello', I tried not to make a mess about what happened but I lost my temper and told her that she was an addict and needs help. She yelled at me and said 'I don't need your help, and I do not need you to be here' and she hangs up.
In the following week or so, every time we talked, we were fighting about the same problem, and after a while she said 'This is it, I am done with this, don't you ever call me or come near my house again John!', and just like that, the only girl that I've ever loved in my life walks out of it, she turned from my wife-to-be to someone I wish I did not know, we turned from the perfect lovers to complete strangers, and that's when my life deteriorated, I quit my job, stopped talking with anyone for a month or so, until today I decided to write this down maybe it will make me feel better about myself.
I don't know where did we go wrong, or why she never told me about her addiction, or why she stopped calling suddenly, a lot of questions came to my head after our break-up yet those questions remain not answered. Sometimes I tell myself that maybe it was not meant to be, maybe we weren't right for each other, but every time I remember how much I loved her, I admit that she is the one for me.
I haven't called or seen her since November until today, March the 3rd, I was walking down the street while listening to music when I suddenly saw a face that I know, it was her, it was Sarah. I said maybe the best thing is to act like I did not see her and everything will be okay, but she suddenly said: 'John!? is that you?',
I put on a fake smile and said 'Yes! Sarah how are you?', she looked gorgeous as always, 'I'm fine, never been better actually' She said, 'Great, what happened with you?' I said. She then showed me a big ring and said: 'I'm getting married!'. It was the first time in my life that I have nothing to say, it's like my mind shut down completely at that moment. I said 'Oh... I'm happy for you', and then we went on separate ways.
It's funny really how life can change 180 degrees in a matter of days, it's funny how someone that I was crying on for the past months is getting married, I went back home, stared at the sky, and said to myself 'I may never love anyone else after her, and I will probably end up alone but I am happy for the time we spent together, those days were and still the best days of my life'
But that did not just happen suddenly, it was the net worth of accumulated fights and misunderstandings, it was the end result of all the wrong things that each one of us said to the other, it felt like we were standing on the railway just waiting for the train to hit us, and it finally did.
It's quite difficult to explain how it felt when I heard those words; in fact, I don't believe that anyone can describe the feeling unless they've tried it themselves, the moment we ended that phone call, I still felt like nothing happened and by the end of the day, we'll manage to fix this problem and move on. A few hours later, I thought of our last conversation and everything that was said and I realized that there's no way this would ever work again.
But before talking about the end, the beginning shall be revealed first; Me and Sarah met on January last year, she was a friend of my best friend, Matt. Me and Matt were having coffee when Sarah walked in; Sarah was an accountant who worked at the central bank. And..And I couldn't miss her beautiful blonde hair and those magical big blue eyes, Matt introduced us then she said she had to go somewhere and left.
Matt noticed how my face changed when she walked in and he said: 'Maybe you and Sarah should have dinner sometime right? I am sure she wouldn't mind', I replied: 'Sure!'. So he said that he'll call her and set a date for us.
And it was January 18th, our first date, we met in a restaurant and started talking, and immediately we noticed how much we two are similar to each other, we both love the same stupid movies and we both hate our work, but I knew that was not enough to build a relationship that could possibly end in marriage, as I am approaching the 30's right now. So, we had dinner and I gave her a ride home and we agreed that we should meet again.
January 30th, our second date, this time we decided to do something a little bit different so we went to an amusement park 20 kilometers away from where I lived. 'I know our road trip will be long, so I made a CD with some music, want to give it a try?' She said while looking at me with her beautiful eyes as the wind was flattering her hair. I smiled and said 'Yeah, sure!'. And the music starts playing, and I was surprised by the music that she chose, we were an absolute soul mates!
We went on the ferris wheel first, and the way she was holding my hand moved something in me, she then placed her head on my chest and said 'I'm scared', I said 'It's okay, you're here with me' while I was sliding my fingers through her hair. 'I love you!' she said, and it is like all my worries and concerns in my life, all my failures, all my nightmares are all gone with these three words. I said 'I love you too, sweetheart'.
We grabbed some cotton candy and walked towards the car while holding hands, I remember I was thinking that 'John, this can't be real, you must be dreaming'.
We drove back to our town while she was staring at me the whole time, and every time I ask her about it, she smiles and says 'I love you, Johnny!'. We arrived at her place, she kissed my cheek and said 'Goodnight, my love'.
And we went on dating, the first few months were the best days of my life; we were together all the time, we were like Adam and Eve, we did everything together, we had the same friends, the same love, the same life.
Everything was perfect, I was planning to make her my wife on our one-year anniversary, but unfortunately, we did not make it till then.
After our 'golden months', things started falling apart, Sarah was making up excuses not to see me, and I myself was busy and had a ton of paperwork to do and we no longer see each other as we used to, we barely even talk on the phone. I noticed that if we stayed this way, we won't last one more day, so I went to her place for a surprise visit, and that's the day when everything went from perfection to the complete opposite. It was November 15th, I drove my car to her place, which was few minutes away, and I rang her doorbell and no one answered. I went on upstairs and knocked on her door, no one answered as well. I said to myself 'I've made it this far; I have to know what's going on' and I opened the door which was unlocked and walked into her apartment. 'Sarah? Sarah?' I said as I was walking towards her bedroom. Eventually, I found her lying on her bed, with a needle in her right hand, she was not fully conscious and as I am a pharmacist, I knew that she was taking Morphine. I carried her over my shoulders running downstairs and gently I put her down in the backseat of my car as I rushed her to the hospital. The doctor said that she just had an overdose but everything will be alright, after she woke up I took her home so she can get some rest and I left a note saying 'Call me in the morning' next to her bed.
The next morning, she called me, she seemed tired and sluggish as she says 'Hello', I tried not to make a mess about what happened but I lost my temper and told her that she was an addict and needs help. She yelled at me and said 'I don't need your help, and I do not need you to be here' and she hangs up.
In the following week or so, every time we talked, we were fighting about the same problem, and after a while she said 'This is it, I am done with this, don't you ever call me or come near my house again John!', and just like that, the only girl that I've ever loved in my life walks out of it, she turned from my wife-to-be to someone I wish I did not know, we turned from the perfect lovers to complete strangers, and that's when my life deteriorated, I quit my job, stopped talking with anyone for a month or so, until today I decided to write this down maybe it will make me feel better about myself.
I don't know where did we go wrong, or why she never told me about her addiction, or why she stopped calling suddenly, a lot of questions came to my head after our break-up yet those questions remain not answered. Sometimes I tell myself that maybe it was not meant to be, maybe we weren't right for each other, but every time I remember how much I loved her, I admit that she is the one for me.
I haven't called or seen her since November until today, March the 3rd, I was walking down the street while listening to music when I suddenly saw a face that I know, it was her, it was Sarah. I said maybe the best thing is to act like I did not see her and everything will be okay, but she suddenly said: 'John!? is that you?',
I put on a fake smile and said 'Yes! Sarah how are you?', she looked gorgeous as always, 'I'm fine, never been better actually' She said, 'Great, what happened with you?' I said. She then showed me a big ring and said: 'I'm getting married!'. It was the first time in my life that I have nothing to say, it's like my mind shut down completely at that moment. I said 'Oh... I'm happy for you', and then we went on separate ways.
It's funny really how life can change 180 degrees in a matter of days, it's funny how someone that I was crying on for the past months is getting married, I went back home, stared at the sky, and said to myself 'I may never love anyone else after her, and I will probably end up alone but I am happy for the time we spent together, those days were and still the best days of my life'
